Summer's light
evening's light
but slowly
fades
The trees are green
the flowers robed in colour
the birds busy
about their young
It is
as if
nothing
ever changes
But change
is always,
inexorably,
happening
You enjoyed
that sun splashed
spring
in the Year of Silence
Watching
the old cop shows
on the telly
as the sun went down
The last time
for one thing
and one more thing
crept up the calendar
Until darkness
crept into the
September
evenings
I am content
what happened
had to happen
at that time
The years
will keep coming round
and you'll be with me
forever
Our memories are with me until the Breaking of the Day when the Shadows flee away
A visit
As I turned to walk away, I became aware of a smiling face nearby. It was younger than I remembered it when I last saw it. “It’s OK”, she said. “I was allowed back tonight, it’s nearly midwinter.” I recalled that she had come with me on a walk to the Fideach at the end of June. No place to go to after dark now, and after this visit I’d just walk back along the shore. “Just wanted to know how you were doing”. She looked me in the eye, knowing full well how I was doing. For my part, I knew the answers to the questions that welled up in me. “It went as I expected it to”, she said, her smile fading. “I saw my husband, and my mother, and I had to come along this time”. Many’s a time, she had told me of a dream, where she had met her late husband and her mother on a railway platform. They were going on a train, but she couldn’t come. Not yet. That evening in October, it was time. “I saw you”, she said, quietly. “You tried to make it bearable”. She shook her head, but then her smile returned. “You always had this calming influence on me”.
The moon rose over the village as the darkness became complete. I could still see her, a memory of how she had looked in better days, perhaps four years previously. “I had been worried about closing things down”, she said. “And we had not finished clearing out the files”. I had always been amazed how prescient she had been, knowing full well what was going to happen, and bravely confronting the prospect, taking the actions that needed to be taken in preparation. Nonetheless still buying new spectacles. “You have to carry on now”, she interrupted my memories. “I mean, not leave right now. Step away from your sorrow, from what we had. That is now closed. We had a lovely time, the simple life. You, me, and the cat. Going on bus runs round the island, meals out in the Crown, the County. All those people we met together”. She smiled broadly, and I smiled back at her. “Take that with you. I hope you can stay on in the island. But even if you can’t, I’ll be there. Even if it’s difficult to come here – I’m not constrained to this place”.
The wind wafted in over the wall as the moon drifted over the village. I turned to walk away, and she moved to come with me. “For now, I can only go as far as the gate”, she said, walking to my left. Slowly, we gained the path, lit up by the distant light in the industrial estate. I felt her presence as we proceeded towards the gate, not speaking. The gateposts loomed against the night’s sky, stars blotted out by the distant light. I turned, and her smile faded. No words were spoken as I stepped up to the cemetery gate. “Remember our secret”, she finally said.
And with those words ringing in my ears, I passed through, into the open. I looked back, but total darkness reigned behind me. Nothing was visible, and not a sound could be heard. The sea was still swishing ashore, and the moon hung brightly over the village. Lights twinkled on the far side of the bay, with the lights lining the street leading up from the shore marking the way.
The Sunken Garden
your final steps
to the Sunken Garden
by the soaring tree
The sundial now stands
near where your walk
turned around
you retraced your steps
The way is lit
from the nearby Castle
the final light
by the soaring tree
I carried on
through the Sunken Garden
by the light of the moon
through the barren trees
I often look back
from the lofty terrace
to the sundial
and the soaring tree
I see your figure
reflecting on past visits there
looking around
turning finally back
You're by my side
when I tread the lit pathway
to the Sunken Garden
and the soaring tree
Barbara - 6
Two years ago just now
As light faded over the Minch
and darkness lay over Stornoway
I entered your abode
once more
as I had done for
many a year
The years were
becoming unkind to you
although I did not properly
notice
Soon enveloped once more
in your kindness
and all that endeared you
to me
As 2019 unfurled
you fought on relentlessly
against the ravages
of old age
But by autumn time
time was called
for an undetermined length
as yet
I watched you fade
having to give up
what was once
dear to you
Fading from the
downstairs parts
of your home
of many years
Until you left
as the sun rose
and within its light
you had gone
A new year
has commenced
without you
to light it up
On I shall go
without your light
to guide me
but on I shall go
Barbara -5
At what is now left
in memories
and pictures
Summer days in the sun
Snow covered nights in winter
Spume screaming past in autumn
Flowers bursting out in spring
Your smile sings out
from beyond the void
I'm reminded of you
at every turn
The valley of the salmon
Was the last you saw
outside your house
that August day
The moor beyond
and the distant Atlantic
would not see you again
after that time
I'm left with glances
into the past
that I can no longer
remind you of
Your stories
are now beyond me
of people that were
already beyond you
I love you to bits
although you're not here
you were the best
you were a good girl
Barbara - 2
The sun had just risen
and took your light
with it
beyond our sphere of being
All I'm left with is
memories
reminders
echoes
What was needed
to make you comfortable
as the year wore
you down
The implements
of mobility
now stand
still
The heater
is cold
The hot water bottles
no longer needed
I look around me
and see you
the way you were
for all those years
A room
empty of you
except for
your things
A sunny corner
the sea whispers nearby
here you rest
until the Breaking of the Day
In memoriam Barbara
On 6 October this year, I lost my close friend Barbara. She passed away after an 11-month battle with cancer.
I brought you to your final resting place
under the sun
in the wind
by the sea
I was with you
when you were terrified
warding off
the oncoming darkness
I made you laugh
at sunset
on your final day
we laughed as light left us
I encouraged you
each night
as you struggled
up the stairs
With a stick
hauling yourself
around the pillar
bereft of strength
I sat with you
watching
detectives
and gameshows
I loved it
when you came along
for that final carride
up to the top of the moor
Your fight
was valiant
right
to the very end
Summer memory
stands empty
of you
in the sunset light
The road echoes
to the memory
of your feet and dance
and laughter
The machair sighs
under the winds
of this world
where the sea roils ashore
Your feet still tread
Your happiness lingers
The marram grass rustles
to the tunes you made
She who knows all
is at the Window on the West
for when you return
you'll never be apart again
Wishes
under wintering stars
or in the gloaming
of the Hebridean sky
I'm sometimes reminded
of you
of your voice
what you stood for
I knew of your wishes
one was not granted
but your love
was not unspent
Maybe a visit
to old Stornoway,
to old haunts
on antipodean shores
As the daylight
lingers through the night
your memory
lives on in us all
She who knows all,
your faithful companion,
will rejoin you
beyond the Rainbow Bridge
After you finally stride
down the garden path
to collect her
from her forever home
February 2020 - II
The sun has made its promised return
Headed north
soon past the equator
Daylight now past 6pm
Not long now till the equinox
Snow will come
and more high winds
The grass is brown
rustling horizontal
in the unceasing
gales of the northwest
Hailstones dance
in a fandango with the wind
but crows are nesting
and lambs will soon be here
As the days open out
the machair is empty
the roads derelict
the beaches waveswept
The Window on the West
is framing the setting sun
in a house now empty
of your voice but by memory
She who knows all
is awaiting patiently
in her forever home
for your promised return
February 2020
waves thunder ashore
snow patters
wet against the windows
Light is returning
from solstician gloom
but winter fights hard
to retain its icy grasp
The Window on the West
remains empty
She who knows all
patiently waits
The house on the shore
time bends you down
struggling on valiantly
where age ravages
Day drags by day
on the sloped street
where the circle decreases
as it goes round in time
I cannot retrieve
what has long since
been lost
hard though I try
The wind blows hard
the sheets of icy rain
lash the cobbled road
along which I stumble on
January 2020
when I met you, all those years ago
in the sunset
along the lonely road
You took me in
in total trust
and confidence
that I would not betray
We talked
as the sun set
and darkness rose
into the March night
She who knows all
was by your side
only young then
much wiser now
In the wee town
we met again
and for a final time
for music and song
You disappeared
through the thronged door
never for me to see you
again
Your music remains
as does your memory
I know you're there
when times are hard
She who knows all
patiently waits
at the Window on the West
for your eventual return
Sophia 2019
a month ago
the second one
outwith your life
The first full year
you were no longer there
as your memory
lightens up our days
The Window on the West
is empty now
the roads are quiet
no dancing feet
The machair is lifeless
in austere winter colours
no footsteps
on its bouncy grass
We remember your voice
we remember the joy
with which you met life
and all its challenges
She who knows all
carries your memory
carries your character
and is still waiting
Waiting for the day
when your smile
will come striding
down the path
To collect
your faithful companion
of latter years
to go across the Rainbow Bridge
Thinking of Sophia
A year on
as that darkening month
wound to a windlashed
close
Friends from all over
headed west over sea,
if the wind did allow,
to remember
In writing, song and poetry
your music, dance and laughter
From the other land by the sea
where you first saw life
We read profound words
in knowing that you live on
not in a physical sense
but in memory
It has been many a year
since we last saw each other
in a crowded bar
in a darkened home
Others met you since
and shared, unwittingly,
the same experience
unforgettable, and profound
As winter winds lash
and the sun barely shines
Your smile, music and memories
remain with me
She that knows all
waits still
in the Window on the West
for the day when you return
Unanswered
left unanswered
but that is fine
I'll never know
I'm happy
to have known you
I'm wistful
for what did not happen for you
The wishes
left unfulfilled
the long nights
of what might have been
I'm happy you were happy
with cats, and songs and words
cats of yesteryear
you have now been reunited with
What happened to Torran
we all know
what happened to Faili
I may never know
In the sunshine you lived
livening up the afternoons
for those listening
on An Radio 105
You left us
in peace
quietly
in the night
So many questions
left unanswered
swim strong, mermaid
I can still hear your voice
Sophia - a year on
Then came the message on the Berneray page that Sophia had been found dead in her home. Her cat Torran was found a few days later, distraught. It was taken in by one of Sophia's close friends, and is now quite happy and settled in her new forever home. But she's still wondering, I'm sure, what had happened to her guardian. She's still expecting her tall, lanky form to come striding up the path to take her home. Which she will do, one day.
A lovely commemorative event was organised for Sophia on December 1st last year. Her family had come over from her native Australia, and took an active part in the church service and ceilidh afterwards. Sophia had been cremated, and part of her ashes were scattered on her beloved machair in Berneray. The rest was scattered into the sea at her hometown in Australia.
Swim strong, mermaid. I know you're out there, with Torran. I still hear your voice, not just from recordings. I still see your face, and not just from photographs.
You're with us, with me, forever, wherever we all go.
In memoriam - one year on
Only three brief evenings
I was always early
as you gently chided me
I came in from the
sunsplashed March evenings
the sun soon dipping
towards the western horizon
We chatted away
as you faded into darkness
only that one lamp lit
just for me
You reached out to me
and touched me gently
not physically
but spiritually
I knew your pain
what could have been
those years before
a promise left unfulfilled
The beach and the machair
were your release and your relief
you touched the rocks and stones
to touch mother earth
Dancing the empty roads
the endless machairs
singing the curving strands
of Uibhist bho Thuath
I could not leave you
that final night
the wrench was
almost physicaly painful
I'll never forget
that serene wistful smile
greeting me
at your little house's door
Or that final good-bye
a month later
in the House of Music
I could not let go
I did let go
and we each went our way
I'm glad you were happy
before you left this life
I know little Torran
is happy in her new forever home
still waiting
for you to come to collect her
You were taken back
to where you last lived
You were taken back
to where you first lived
But all who remember you
All who met you and loved you
Carry you with us forever
so you are not really gone
Full circle
Autumn's weighing us down once more
I have thought of you quite often
since you slipped away beyond the sea
I'm happy you were happy
doing what you did each day each week
your smile lighting up the little isle
and the beaches machair and the sea
Your voice lives on in all our minds
retained on-line for posterity
although it is stilled for good
we can remember you as if still there
You welcomed me into your home
the little cottage on the narrow road
talking into the darkness of
those cold but beautiful March nights
We shared a love of music
of the environment of these isles
a penchant for words and phrases
and for cats, black or whatever colour
Torran is still waiting, happy where she is
I know she misses you
not knowing where you went
you will meet again, one day, many moons from now
We parted after an evening of music
not knowing it was to be for good
It was touch and go - a hug and kiss
and off into the night you went
I'll always picture you 'front my mind's eye
in the sunshine of that March evening
flooding in through the Window of the West
with little Torran by your side
Swim strong, Sophia
Under the stars beyond this world
Sing on, Sophia, forever more
We'll meet again, when the time comes
Memories

Memories are evocative
Evoked by the merest hint
An image of an open fire
reminded me of you
I laid this one
the last night
I was with you
all those moons ago
The fireguard is up
and I kept it there
I felt your warmth
even after I left
I remember, once
you came to my door
but there was no place
and you went away
I sometimes listen
to your recorded voice
your beloved songs
even in Manx Gaelic
The wind whistles
it calls your name
the Atlantic thunders
laps onto the shores you walked
Eleven months ago
you swam away
under the northern stars
that had become your home
She that knows all
plays in her new forever home
awaiting your return
and come back... you will

