Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts

Summer's light

Summer is approaching
evening's light
but slowly
fades

The trees are green
the flowers robed in colour
the birds busy
about their young

It is
as if
nothing
ever changes

But change
is always,
inexorably,
happening

You enjoyed
that sun splashed
spring
in the Year of Silence

Watching
the old cop shows
on the telly
as the sun went down

The last time
for one thing
and one more thing
crept up the calendar

Until darkness
crept into the
September
evenings

I am content
what happened
had to happen
at that time

The years
will keep coming round
and you'll be with me
forever
Our memories are with me until the Breaking of the Day when the Shadows flee away

A visit

Darkness slowly crept up the afternoon sky. Lights went on in the village on one side of the bay. A brash, bold light shone across from the edge of town. It lit up the ungated entrance near the sea. Any who wished to do so could pass through at any time of the day, or night. The markers stood silently, some having done so for a century, or two, or even longer. The ravages of time had sometimes taken their toll on the inscriptions. I walked in through the gate and found the stone, and the flowers I had left near it on a previous visit. The sea swished ashore on the shingle beach nearby, the wind blowing coldly from the gathering dusk.

As I turned to walk away, I became aware of a smiling face nearby. It was younger than I remembered it when I last saw it. “It’s OK”, she said. “I was allowed back tonight, it’s nearly midwinter.” I recalled that she had come with me on a walk to the Fideach at the end of June. No place to go to after dark now, and after this visit I’d just walk back along the shore. “Just wanted to know how you were doing”. She looked me in the eye, knowing full well how I was doing. For my part, I knew the answers to the questions that welled up in me. “It went as I expected it to”, she said, her smile fading. “I saw my husband, and my mother, and I had to come along this time”. Many’s a time, she had told me of a dream, where she had met her late husband and her mother on a railway platform. They were going on a train, but she couldn’t come. Not yet. That evening in October, it was time. “I saw you”, she said, quietly. “You tried to make it bearable”. She shook her head, but then her smile returned. “You always had this calming influence on me”.

The moon rose over the village as the darkness became complete. I could still see her, a memory of how she had looked in better days, perhaps four years previously. “I had been worried about closing things down”, she said. “And we had not finished clearing out the files”. I had always been amazed how prescient she had been, knowing full well what was going to happen, and bravely confronting the prospect, taking the actions that needed to be taken in preparation. Nonetheless still buying new spectacles. “You have to carry on now”, she interrupted my memories. “I mean, not leave right now. Step away from your sorrow, from what we had. That is now closed. We had a lovely time, the simple life. You, me, and the cat. Going on bus runs round the island, meals out in the Crown, the County. All those people we met together”. She smiled broadly, and I smiled back at her. “Take that with you. I hope you can stay on in the island. But even if you can’t, I’ll be there. Even if it’s difficult to come here – I’m not constrained to this place”.

The wind wafted in over the wall as the moon drifted over the village. I turned to walk away, and she moved to come with me. “For now, I can only go as far as the gate”, she said, walking to my left. Slowly, we gained the path, lit up by the distant light in the industrial estate. I felt her presence as we proceeded towards the gate, not speaking. The gateposts loomed against the night’s sky, stars blotted out by the distant light. I turned, and her smile faded. No words were spoken as I stepped up to the cemetery gate. “Remember our secret”, she finally said.

And with those words ringing in my ears, I passed through, into the open. I looked back, but total darkness reigned behind me. Nothing was visible, and not a sound could be heard. The sea was still swishing ashore, and the moon hung brightly over the village. Lights twinkled on the far side of the bay, with the lights lining the street leading up from the shore marking the way.

The Sunken Garden

I often retrace
your final steps
to the Sunken Garden
by the soaring tree

The sundial now stands
near where your walk
turned around
you retraced your steps

The way is lit
from the nearby Castle
the final light
by the soaring tree

I carried on
through the Sunken Garden
by the light of the moon
through the barren trees

I often look back
from the lofty terrace
to the sundial
and the soaring tree

I see your figure
reflecting on past visits there
looking around
turning finally back

You're by my side
when I tread the lit pathway
to the Sunken Garden
and the soaring tree

Barbara - 6

That snowy day in January
Two years ago just now
As light faded over the Minch
and darkness lay over Stornoway

I entered your abode
once more
as I had done for
many a year

The years were
becoming unkind to you
although I did not properly
notice

Soon enveloped once more
in your kindness
and all that endeared you
to me

As 2019 unfurled
you fought on relentlessly
against the ravages
of old age

But by autumn time
time was called
for an undetermined length
as yet

I watched you fade
having to give up
what was once
dear to you

Fading from the
downstairs parts
of your home
of many years

Until you left
as the sun rose
and within its light
you had gone

A new year
has commenced
without you
to light it up

On I shall go
without your light
to guide me
but on I shall go

Barbara -5

Wistfully I look back
At what is now left
in memories
and pictures

Summer days in the sun
Snow covered nights in winter
Spume screaming past in autumn
Flowers bursting out in spring

Your smile sings out
from beyond the void
I'm reminded of you
at every turn

The valley of the salmon
Was the last you saw
outside your house
that August day

The moor beyond
and the distant Atlantic
would not see you again
after that time

I'm left with glances
into the past
that I can no longer
remind you of

Your stories
are now beyond me
of people that were
already beyond you

I love you to bits
although you're not here
you were the best
you were a good girl

Barbara - 2

The sun had just risen
and took your light
with it
beyond our sphere of being

All I'm left with is
memories
reminders
echoes

What was needed
to make you comfortable
as the year wore
you down

The implements
of mobility
now stand
still

The heater
is cold
The hot water bottles
no longer needed

I look around me
and see you
the way you were
for all those years

A room
empty of you
except for
your things

A sunny corner
the sea whispers nearby
here you rest
until the Breaking of the Day

In memoriam Barbara

On 6 October this year, I lost my close friend Barbara. She passed away after an 11-month battle with cancer.

I brought you to your final resting place
under the sun
in the wind
by the sea

I was with you
when you were terrified
warding off
the oncoming darkness

I made you laugh
at sunset
on your final day
we laughed as light left us

I encouraged you
each night
as you struggled
up the stairs

With a stick
hauling yourself
around the pillar
bereft of strength

I sat with you
watching
detectives
and gameshows

I loved it
when you came along
for that final carride
up to the top of the moor

Your fight
was valiant
right
to the very end

Summer memory

The house by the road
stands empty
of you
in the sunset light

The road echoes
to the memory
of your feet and dance
and laughter

The machair sighs
under the winds
of this world
where the sea roils ashore

Your feet still tread
Your happiness lingers
The marram grass rustles
to the tunes you made

She who knows all
is at the Window on the West
for when you return
you'll never be apart again

Wishes

You're now far away
under wintering stars
or in the gloaming
of the Hebridean sky

I'm sometimes reminded
of you
of your voice
what you stood for

I knew of your wishes
one was not granted
but your love
was not unspent

Maybe a visit
to old Stornoway,
to old haunts
on antipodean shores

As the daylight
lingers through the night
your memory
lives on in us all

She who knows all,
your faithful companion,
will rejoin you
beyond the Rainbow Bridge

After you finally stride
down the garden path
to collect her
from her forever home


February 2020 - II

Winter's in its final days
The sun has made its promised return
Headed north
soon past the equator

Daylight now past 6pm
Not long now till the equinox
Snow will come
and more high winds

The grass is brown
rustling horizontal
in the unceasing
gales of the northwest

Hailstones dance
in a fandango with the wind
but crows are nesting
and lambs will soon be here

As the days open out
the machair is empty
the roads derelict
the beaches waveswept

The Window on the West
is framing the setting sun
in a house now empty
of your voice but by memory

She who knows all
is awaiting patiently
in her forever home
for your promised return

February 2020

The wind blows hard
waves thunder ashore
snow patters
wet against the windows

Light is returning
from solstician gloom
but winter fights hard
to retain its icy grasp

The Window on the West
remains empty
She who knows all
patiently waits

The house on the shore
time bends you down
struggling on valiantly
where age ravages

Day drags by day
on the sloped street
where the circle decreases
as it goes round in time

I cannot retrieve
what has long since
been lost
hard though I try

The wind blows hard
the sheets of icy rain
lash the cobbled road
along which I stumble on

January 2020

I was thinking of you today
when I met you, all those years ago
in the sunset
along the lonely road

You took me in
in total trust
and confidence
that I would not betray

We talked
as the sun set
and darkness rose
into the March night

She who knows all
was by your side
only young then
much wiser now

In the wee town
we met again
and for a final time
for music and song

You disappeared
through the thronged door
never for me to see you
again

Your music remains
as does your memory
I know you're there
when times are hard

She who knows all
patiently waits
at the Window on the West
for your eventual return

Sophia 2019

It was your birthday
a month ago
the second one
outwith your life

The first full year
you were no longer there
as your memory
lightens up our days

The Window on the West
is empty now
the roads are quiet
no dancing feet

The machair is lifeless
in austere winter colours
no footsteps
on its bouncy grass

We remember your voice
we remember the joy
with which you met life
and all its challenges

She who knows all
carries your memory
carries your character
and is still waiting

Waiting for the day
when your smile
will come striding
down the path

To collect
your faithful companion
of latter years
to go across the Rainbow Bridge

Thinking of Sophia

In among the storm that is raging in my life at the moment, I sometimes spend a few minutes listening to recordings of Sophia's voice. The sadness remains, counterbalanced by memories of one of the most remarkable characters I've yet met. I can only just about look at the images of her cat, the faithful companion she left behind. Sophia never had children, a point of regret and pain for her. After she passed 50, cats became her children. I'm told that for months after Sophia died, cats would congregate by her house in Berneray, waiting to be fed. I've written it many times, I'll always think of Sophia in the evening light, opening her door to me with that serene smile, which would slowly fade into the darkness as light faded from the Window on the West. I'm pleased she doesn't appear to have suffered at the end.

A year on

A year ago
as that darkening month
wound to a windlashed
close

Friends from all over
headed west over sea,
if the wind did allow,
to remember

In writing, song and poetry
your music, dance and laughter
From the other land by the sea
where you first saw life

We read profound words
in knowing that you live on
not in a physical sense
but in memory

It has been many a year
since we last saw each other
in a crowded bar
in a darkened home

Others met you since
and shared, unwittingly,
the same experience
unforgettable, and profound

As winter winds lash
and the sun barely shines
Your smile, music and memories
remain with me

She that knows all
waits still
in the Window on the West
for the day when you return

Unanswered

So many questions
left unanswered
but that is fine
I'll never know

I'm happy
to have known you
I'm wistful
for what did not happen for you

The wishes
left unfulfilled
the long nights
of what might have been

I'm happy you were happy
with cats, and songs and words
cats of yesteryear
you have now been reunited with

What happened to Torran
we all know
what happened to Faili
I may never know

In the sunshine you lived
livening up the afternoons
for those listening
on An Radio 105

You left us
in peace
quietly
in the night

So many questions
left unanswered
swim strong, mermaid
I can still hear your voice

Sophia - a year on

A year ago today (November 6th), I was made aware of the death of a friend, Sophia Dale. She was two years younger than myself, and we had met in March and April 2013 in Tigharry and Lochmaddy in North Uist. I was amazed at the strength of emotion that her passing evoked in me, particularly bearing in mind that I had not seen her for more than six years. Sophia was a very unique personality, a bright light that did attract me. After talking on-line for a couple of weeks, we decided to meet in North Uist. We hit it off and became close, Sophia being one of those people I found it easy to open up to - and reciprocally. She made me aware of her depressive illness, and how she coped with that: by going for a stomp on the beach and the machair each day. Sophia loved music and singing, it was her life. She loved to dance along the roads, singing to the skies and the birds. Her constant companion since the autumn of 2012 was her little black cat Torran. Sophia acquired another black one whilst in Tigharry, which she called Faili. It was pretty feral, but it took to Sophia. I don't know what happened to Faili when she moved to Berneray. I last met Sophia in April 2013 in Lochmaddy. Circumstances meant I was unable to keep in touch beyond 2014.

Then came the message on the Berneray page that Sophia had been found dead in her home. Her cat Torran was found a few days later, distraught. It was taken in by one of Sophia's close friends, and is now quite happy and settled in her new forever home. But she's still wondering, I'm sure, what had happened to her guardian. She's still expecting her tall, lanky form to come striding up the path to take her home. Which she will do, one day.

A lovely commemorative event was organised for Sophia on December 1st last year. Her family had come over from her native Australia, and took an active part in the church service and ceilidh afterwards. Sophia had been cremated, and part of her ashes were scattered on her beloved machair in Berneray. The rest was scattered into the sea at her hometown in Australia.

Swim strong, mermaid. I know you're out there, with Torran. I still hear your voice, not just from recordings. I still see your face, and not just from photographs.

You're with us, with me, forever, wherever we all go.

In memoriam - one year on

Six years ago
Only three brief evenings
I was always early
as you gently chided me

I came in from the
sunsplashed March evenings
the sun soon dipping
towards the western horizon

We chatted away
as you faded into darkness
only that one lamp lit
just for me

You reached out to me
and touched me gently
not physically
but spiritually

I knew your pain
what could have been
those years before
a promise left unfulfilled

The beach and the machair
were your release and your relief
you touched the rocks and stones
to touch mother earth

Dancing the empty roads
the endless machairs
singing the curving strands
of Uibhist bho Thuath

I could not leave you
that final night
the wrench was
almost physicaly painful

I'll never forget
that serene wistful smile
greeting me
at your little house's door

Or that final good-bye
a month later
in the House of Music
I could not let go

I did let go
and we each went our way
I'm glad you were happy
before you left this life

I know little Torran
is happy in her new forever home
still waiting
for you to come to collect her

You were taken back
to where you last lived
You were taken back
to where you first lived

But all who remember you
All who met you and loved you
Carry you with us forever
so you are not really gone


Full circle

The year's well-nigh full circle
Autumn's weighing us down once more
I have thought of you quite often
since you slipped away beyond the sea

I'm happy you were happy
doing what you did each day each week
your smile lighting up the little isle
and the beaches machair and the sea

Your voice lives on in all our minds
retained on-line for posterity
although it is stilled for good
we can remember you as if still there

You welcomed me into your home
the little cottage on the narrow road
talking into the darkness of
those cold but beautiful March nights

We shared a love of music
of the environment of these isles
a penchant for words and phrases
and for cats, black or whatever colour

Torran is still waiting, happy where she is
I know she misses you
not knowing where you went
you will meet again, one day, many moons from now

We parted after an evening of music
not knowing it was to be for good
It was touch and go - a hug and kiss
and off into the night you went

I'll always picture you 'front my mind's eye
in the sunshine of that March evening
flooding in through the Window of the West
with little Torran by your side

Swim strong, Sophia
Under the stars beyond this world
Sing on, Sophia, forever more
We'll meet again, when the time comes

Memories



Memories are evocative
Evoked by the merest hint
An image of an open fire
reminded me of you

I laid this one
the last night
I was with you
all those moons ago

The fireguard is up
and I kept it there
I felt your warmth
even after I left

I remember, once
you came to my door
but there was no place
and you went away

I sometimes listen
to your recorded voice
your beloved songs
even in Manx Gaelic

The wind whistles
it calls your name
the Atlantic thunders
laps onto the shores you walked

Eleven months ago
you swam away
under the northern stars
that had become your home

She that knows all
plays in her new forever home
awaiting your return
and come back... you will