Remembering Sophia

I couldn't see you
Yet you were there
Darkness had fallen
but we needed no light

The late night radio
tinkled out
the closing strains
of Sailing By

I could not see you
But we were close
The wind blew
The rain lashed

Oblivious but
to each other
I would not
could not leave

Knowing that
by leaving,
I'd leave you
for good

I was lost
in the darkness
but your voice
guided me

The Window on the West
I would not see again
neither she
who knows all

I would meet you once more
in the House of Music
once more embracing
almost not letting go

Knowing that
by leaving,
I'd leave you
for good

That night in November
you swam away
she who knows all
knew what she had lost

Looking out each night
waiting for your steps
to come striding
up the path

As one day you will
return to collect your companion
from her new forever home
to cross the Rainbow Bridge

Unanswered

So many questions
left unanswered
but that is fine
I'll never know

I'm happy
to have known you
I'm wistful
for what did not happen for you

The wishes
left unfulfilled
the long nights
of what might have been

I'm happy you were happy
with cats, and songs and words
cats of yesteryear
you have now been reunited with

What happened to Torran
we all know
what happened to Faili
I may never know

In the sunshine you lived
livening up the afternoons
for those listening
on An Radio 105

You left us
in peace
quietly
in the night

So many questions
left unanswered
swim strong, mermaid
I can still hear your voice

Sophia - a year on

A year ago today (November 6th), I was made aware of the death of a friend, Sophia Dale. She was two years younger than myself, and we had met in March and April 2013 in Tigharry and Lochmaddy in North Uist. I was amazed at the strength of emotion that her passing evoked in me, particularly bearing in mind that I had not seen her for more than six years. Sophia was a very unique personality, a bright light that did attract me. After talking on-line for a couple of weeks, we decided to meet in North Uist. We hit it off and became close, Sophia being one of those people I found it easy to open up to - and reciprocally. She made me aware of her depressive illness, and how she coped with that: by going for a stomp on the beach and the machair each day. Sophia loved music and singing, it was her life. She loved to dance along the roads, singing to the skies and the birds. Her constant companion since the autumn of 2012 was her little black cat Torran. Sophia acquired another black one whilst in Tigharry, which she called Faili. It was pretty feral, but it took to Sophia. I don't know what happened to Faili when she moved to Berneray. I last met Sophia in April 2013 in Lochmaddy. Circumstances meant I was unable to keep in touch beyond 2014.

Then came the message on the Berneray page that Sophia had been found dead in her home. Her cat Torran was found a few days later, distraught. It was taken in by one of Sophia's close friends, and is now quite happy and settled in her new forever home. But she's still wondering, I'm sure, what had happened to her guardian. She's still expecting her tall, lanky form to come striding up the path to take her home. Which she will do, one day.

A lovely commemorative event was organised for Sophia on December 1st last year. Her family had come over from her native Australia, and took an active part in the church service and ceilidh afterwards. Sophia had been cremated, and part of her ashes were scattered on her beloved machair in Berneray. The rest was scattered into the sea at her hometown in Australia.

Swim strong, mermaid. I know you're out there, with Torran. I still hear your voice, not just from recordings. I still see your face, and not just from photographs.

You're with us, with me, forever, wherever we all go.

In memoriam - one year on

Six years ago
Only three brief evenings
I was always early
as you gently chided me

I came in from the
sunsplashed March evenings
the sun soon dipping
towards the western horizon

We chatted away
as you faded into darkness
only that one lamp lit
just for me

You reached out to me
and touched me gently
not physically
but spiritually

I knew your pain
what could have been
those years before
a promise left unfulfilled

The beach and the machair
were your release and your relief
you touched the rocks and stones
to touch mother earth

Dancing the empty roads
the endless machairs
singing the curving strands
of Uibhist bho Thuath

I could not leave you
that final night
the wrench was
almost physicaly painful

I'll never forget
that serene wistful smile
greeting me
at your little house's door

Or that final good-bye
a month later
in the House of Music
I could not let go

I did let go
and we each went our way
I'm glad you were happy
before you left this life

I know little Torran
is happy in her new forever home
still waiting
for you to come to collect her

You were taken back
to where you last lived
You were taken back
to where you first lived

But all who remember you
All who met you and loved you
Carry you with us forever
so you are not really gone

Full circle

The year's well-nigh full circle
Autumn's weighing us down once more
I have thought of you quite often
since you slipped away beyond the sea

I'm happy you were happy
doing what you did each day each week
your smile lighting up the little isle
and the beaches machair and the sea

Your voice lives on in all our minds
retained on-line for posterity
although it is stilled for good
we can remember you as if still there

You welcomed me into your home
the little cottage on the narrow road
talking into the darkness of
those cold but beautiful March nights

We shared a love of music
of the environment of these isles
a penchant for words and phrases
and for cats, black or whatever colour

Torran is still waiting, happy where she is
I know she misses you
not knowing where you went
you will meet again, one day, many moons from now

We parted after an evening of music
not knowing it was to be for good
It was touch and go - a hug and kiss
and off into the night you went

I'll always picture you 'front my mind's eye
in the sunshine of that March evening
flooding in through the Window of the West
with little Torran by your side

Swim strong, Sophia
Under the stars beyond this world
Sing on, Sophia, forever more
We'll meet again, when the time comes

Memories

Memories are evocative
Evoked by the merest hint
An image of an open fire
reminded me of you

I laid this one
the last night
I was with you
all those moons ago

The fireguard is up
and I kept it there
I felt your warmth
even after I left

I remember, once
you came to my door
but there was no place
and you went away

I sometimes listen
to your recorded voice
your beloved songs
even in Manx Gaelic

The wind whistles
it calls your name
the Atlantic thunders
laps onto the shores you walked

Eleven months ago
you swam away
under the northern stars
that had become your home

She that knows all
plays in her new forever home
awaiting your return
and come back... you will

Equinox

We've passed the equinox
the days are shorter than the nights
summer has gone
autumnal introspection is here

I see your spirit
I still hear your voice
your cat plays
you're with her still

Wherever you are
wherever your cats are
your music lives on
as does your smile

The time comes near
just six weeks from now
when the year will have
turned full circle

It was under Canopus' lamp
watched over by Orion
that you swam away
into the night

At the Window on the West
she plays, carrying your spirit
Your music lives on
in all of us

Waiting at the gate

Are you there
waiting at the gate
where time ceases
and pain blows away

You left in the night
when the cold wind called
and stars shone bright
in the distant north

The lighthouses still wink
over the empty strands
where your feet once walked
looking and finding solace

She who knows all
is waiting for you still
knowing as only they can
that you'll meet her again

Your smile remains
shining out of memories
brightly lighting up
those days years ago

Are you still there
yes
waiting at the gate
thank you for being

Gormenghast

As the nights draw in
a memory emerges
strangely enough
of Gormenghast

Your name
for the capital
of ancient
Scotland

Oh, loth you were
to leave behind
your companions
on the croft

Torran
feral Faili
Spooky the black tom
roaming your haunt

As you roamed
the towers and turrets
of teeming hordes
in Gormenghast

Little were you to know
that you'd one day leave
leaving Torran
to look for you

The Window on the West
is now empty
She's still looking
searching

Not knowing that
you're in the air
she's breathing
in every breath

Nine months

The days flow by
back and forth
like the never ending
tide

The moon through
its phases
marks time
day by week by month

Each day
the sun rises
seen or unseen
in blue or grey skies

Where Canopus
shines in summer skies
that's where you came
into this world

When Orion rose
in our winter skies
he called on you
and you swam away

Now nine months ago
you left us your music
your laughter
your dance

At the Window on the West
we watched the light fade
where your black shadow
still awaits your return

https://soundcloud.com/sophia-dale/orion1

Your life

Darkness creeps out
from the midnight sky
as summer reaches
towards its height

Music will soon
emanate from
beside the harbour
here in Stornoway

Music was your life
The sea was your life
The sky was your life
and they remember you

The machair
whispers your name
the roads lie silent
remembering your dance

The black shadow
remembers you
and still waits
in the Window on the West

Will she yet come
striding up the path
oh she will, little one
beyond the Rainbow Bridge

You're in the light
swimming strong
your voice, your laughter
lighting up the heavens

After the solstice

Eight months have passed
since you passed
out of this life
into the great light

The solstice is gone
our light will now diminish
but yours will remain
to light up our memories

As the full light of summer
now wreaths
the empty lands
of Uist

Where beaches
and machair
the sea itself
whisper your name

Where the black shadow
looks out of
the Window on the West
still awaiting your return

Your voice remains with us
recorded for all time
Your spirit remains with us
as we remember you

Do not look back

Yes I can still see you
in the doorway of your little house
the evening sunshine
behind your welcoming smile

I still see your homestead
full of the things of your years
your little companion
as the sun set behind you

I recall the struggle
with loneliness
in amongst that
empty beauty of Uist

You came back to me tonight
a tap on the shoulder
from beyond this earthly life -
do not look back

My mind rests

My mind crosses south
beyond the confines
of the arboreal
pale light

My mind rests
among the trees
where the summer light
remembers you

My mind rests
among stars
as yet unseen
below the faithful Sirius

Canopus guides
the summer skies
where the mermaid
swims strongly

My mind rests
in the dunes
where the pines sigh
and the surf laments

The daylight lingers
in the far northwest
where age is bearing
down on you

My mind rests
at the midnight hour
but where darkness
does not fall

You remain
and always will be
in my mind in and
beyond this world

Stumbling through darkness

Stumbling through darkness
your voice guides me
towards the door
leading into light

Happiness found you
under the pale north sky
where clouds scud along
and the sun shines bright

Your voice travels with me
a recorded memory
of companiable evenings
where the daylight faded

She's now well cared for
I know you know
the little one you took in
all those years ago now

As we carry on in life
you look on from beyond it
your smile touches me
as I find my way

Sophia (24)

I sometimes look
at the still images
of your life
in these islands

Captured forever
moments in time
of your life
among us all

The darkness has gone
the light evenings are here
you would have rejoiced
danced and sung

You swam away
at the midnight hour
as darkness
deepened

But you swam away
into the light
of eternal joy
dance and song

I know you are waiting
by the Rainbow Bridge
for little Torran
as she awaits your return

Sophia (23)

Five months have passed
Six years have passed
As spring springs
and the light widens

I am reminded of you
your voice on the waves
retained for all time
under the pale sky

As the light faded
in the Window on the West
your voice reached out to me
as it yet does now

Far out now
swimming strong
your laughter rings
and your smile remains

Sophia (22)

You're far away now
as I listen to your voice
which is all that remains
of you to me

It is many a year now
since we met
in the roadside house
below the heathery hill

Your voice came to me
through the darkness
your kindness
shone through

Music was your life
creation your being
the sea your home
the open skies your soundboard

Dancing the roads
like the old dannsa rathad
singing like a songlark
your happiness remains

The Window on the West
was a window onto you
your faithful companion
always by your side

Swim strong, mermaid
you'll be waiting
when the time comes
for the black one to rejoin you

Sophia (21)

I sometimes still think
of the Window on the West
as I'm reminded
of your voice

You visit me
from time to time
as I'm reminded
of your serene smile

I sometimes still think
of the roadside house
of your songs in Lochmaddy
and your happiness

I once waved good bye
in the midst of the night
and you waved back,
almost for me to return

It's been long years
since our last farewell
that April evening
in North Uist

You are missed
by many, also me,
after you quietly swam away
from Berneray

Your little companion
still awaiting your return
looks out at night
for your familiar form

I sometimes still think
of the Window on the West
the window on you
the queen of dancing, singing and joy

Sophia (20)

The road with no return
was trodden by you
three months ago
almost to the hour

It is not a tarred road
with signs and lights
or a track that leads
through the fields

You left behind
what you would
otherwise
never have abandoned

As you swam away
on the midnight tide
we were not aware
asleep under the stars

We found you asleep,
gone,
but left behind
memories and love

At the Window on the West
your companion will wait
until the time comes
for you to meet her again

I still hear your voice
and I know you are near
We shall carry on
and take you with us